MDM690 Week 3
Week 3 Reflection
What I am Thinking, feeling, & doing.
One of the key things that comes to mind is how “in the dark we have been” through many parts of the program. I did a pretty good job of holding on to stuff that I may need down the road, but we literally didn’t know what the THESIS month would entail, and had we known a little more, we might have been able to prepare more. In traditional Master’s programs, the students know what to expect for many months in advance. For us, I had to ask during a lecture in month 10, and our professor wasn’t sure, but she got some of it right, but until that point, we had no idea what month 11 was going to look like. To be honest, I can’t really tell you what insight I may have gained; everything is so intense that I don’t have time for any reflection right now. That might be due in large part to how much stress my personal life is doling out.
Panicked. I felt panicked, thinking that I’ve made it this far with an A and I can’t drop the ball now, but I am drowning a little, with life and bills and so much stress outside of school, that the stress caused by school is almost unbearable. Oh, and tired, I feel weary and tired, the kind of tired that sleep doesn’t fix.
I feel stressed, like I’m holding on by my fingernails, with my wife beginning month six of her hospital/skilled nursing ordeal. My mother has recently been diagnosed with dementia (she lives on her own and I’m the only family she has left), and all of the fun that has led up to her diagnosis and the time that is required to help her with her therapy group sessions and doing all of her shopping, maintenance, and everything else. I am saved in part by my anxiety and associated issues because I refuse to “phone ANYTHING in,” which means that I am late more than I would like. I taught at a Technical College in Salt Lake City for a year and a half. I stopped teaching right before I started the MDMFA program. What I used to tell my students is that if you are late on an assignment, don’t make the mistake of doing a half-assed job of the assignment, so that you can get it in. If it is late, it better be good, that makes up for some or all of the lateness. I don’t know if any of my professors feel the same way, but I try to make sure the project is done right, even if it is not on time, especially if it is not on time.
That’s a little bit of what I am THINKING, FEELING, and DOING.